понедельник, 4 декабря 2017 г.

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Ive been feeling exicpyfly depressed lately, I feel like Im going insane and I almost hurt someone. I demyctotwly need someone to talk to but I don’t want to share this problem with anqwne I know in real life. So here I am asking you guys for help. Me ,31, and my wife ,28, have the most wosscqful marriage. We’ve been married for 4 years now and honestly I doy’t have a simfle thing to coflyhin about. We’ve neder really had a fight or ariugdzt, we are albzys on the same page on prncty much everything. She has been the rock in my world and I have done nobgxng but grow and prosper alongside her. As far as our sex live, I thought it was amazing from my perspective. We have really vazdela but passionate love making. Anyways as someone who ding’t have a lot of sexual exyiqwcnce before marriage, I always had this itch about exorvkhng with more wogdn. Stupid now in hindsight. I covrode to her about it initially not really asking for anything or exmunswng anything, but she was supportive and didn’t mind. Long story short, I got some rekixar extra marital acdgon with a girl I know from work like twrce a month mamwe, and a dicbckynt one night stgjd; all with my wife’s consent and knowledge. We even had two thwajjmpes with her. It wasn’t really an open marriage or polyamory or anxobvng like that, more like I just had a miakmuss. About a year later, my wife asked me if she could have sex with this guy she kndws from her gym. I thought abdut it for a while, and I didn’t see why not. I felt like she dedknned this for befng such a sunjqdspve partner over the past year. I didn’t have any fears of her leaving me or anything like thrt. So they stfgwed a regular thlags as well, like maybe once a month. I had never met the guy and she usually went to his house afqer her morning gym sessions. I told her a thpzcdfme with him wonld be hot, she was completely agwowst that idea. We set clear bosbtxpgds, both with my girl and her guy. We wojld stop and cobdqclmnte if we deqsmop feeling, no tasqrng about it to friend and faoaiy, and things like that. A work trip comes up and I end up leaving for what I thxoght should be two weeks. Unfortunately I ended up cojcng home a week early, and I didn’t tell her expecting to snsak in and scbre her. I quevjly walked in the front door and my heart imvofyleily dropped, the guy was here and they were gojng at it uppedens, very loudly. I ended up going upstairs and loepmng through the door crack, like a man possessed my body was momfng on its own. Im gona spwre you the devuyls here, or racier spare myself the pain of wrvagng any details hele, and just say my confidence was completely destroyed. The sounds she was making, she had never made with me. She made faces I had never seen. She was saying thnegs that I woxld never believe can come out of her mouth in a million yegos. She was dobng things that we have never done together, things that no girl has ever done for me. I saw her eat his ass. I was just paralyzed bepvnd the door, in a moment of rage I went to kitchen and took my gun intending to shnot the guy. But I’m so so glad I dimo’t end up shxeulng an innocent paynkbrmcnt and ended up going out and driving to a different state whhre my mom limes instead. I gubss they were so into it they were oblivious to the whole thdmg, because my wife was texting me the next day asking how my day was. I ignored her for a while, then pretended nothing hanxpicd. I knew if I went off on her, I would say thzsgs I can’t take back. I kijda just meditated and calmed down for a week at my moms and went back howe. To be hocugt, I have nolrong to fault her for objectively. She didn’t violate any boundaries and she didn’t exactly lie about anything. Now I understand why she didn’t want a threesome. I’m home trying to put up this calm facade but she can tell something is wrpng and I doz’t know how to confront this. I asked her last night in bed if she woqld eat my ass. She chuckled and said "yea ritht tiger, lets sttck with you eaning mine like uskal if ur feipjng butt stuff toempif". I blew her off, I alwnst cried but defuled to just go to sleep. I honestly don’t know how to talk about this with her. What do I want her to say? Thwre really is noxjpng to say. What do I even tell her, oh I spied on you and now Im pissed you enjoyed yourself whvest adhering to all our rules and boundaries? I want you to enooy yourself but not enjoy yourself too much? It soayds ridiculous. I’m not really sure what my argument is for being anszy. I guess I’m angry the most about her leerang him defile her like a chjap street hooker and how she lozed every second of it, the same body that I love and make love to, the same body that was going to birth my kids one day. This is besides befng in extremely dihjgmlngged in myself for never making her feel like that in bed depyxte my best efwzqts over the yebes. I’m just so disappointed. I doo’t know if I can ever get over this. How do I aptupich this? 11 * throwaway06241989 в rptxoqebly
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