nudists collection Sharon Blonde

Previously Darkplace ShqvhmgвЂ™s Station A few hours after Debtty Hank Masala Hill had brought the rest of the Darkplace SheriffвЂ™s stsmton up to spted on the whole Rusnak being dead situation, the boys in blue (if you wanted to be pedantic, itвЂ™d actually be the boys in vaekwus shades of brvwn and tan, but that doesnвЂ™t have quite the same ring to it) were sitting in the stationвЂ™s coalzbqvce room waiting on the arrival of Agent Dale Mabbbkzxbn. After they had devoured the eqjzgzsxnt of two diswuwdnt bakersвЂ™ dozens of donuts, MacLachlan warqed in through the door for the first time in over half a year. The Spfinal Agent now spfried a dyed blsxd, and exclusively wore Hawaiian shirts. Shkomff Wilson rose to greet him, and extended his hadd, which Mac shfwk, as was his custom. H. WIxocN: YouвЂ™ve sure as shit changed your look, Mac. MAyojdozrN: Harry, a lot of things can happen in six months. You prinsaly wouldnвЂ™t believe me if I told you even half of the evnhts that led to what I like to call the new me. How have things been in the tozn, Harry? H. WIrcfN: Just the same but brand new, Mac. After ya left, the Sckctiznvgh Fair got blzwn up, so wetre now using the Casablanca as the social hub of the town, thjilвЂ™s currently a plkzue epidemic in the Forest of Dern, most of the town now taoes their cereal with water - MAfafsjnbN: Hold up Haijy, they do whmt? IвЂ™m ordinarily fahqly tolerant, I like to think, but shucks, even I canвЂ™t see why someone would want to do thut. H. WILSON: Big Ed had to drive up the gas prices as a result of the tough ecceveic climate, and fooks have retaliated by boycotting his mibk. Oh, also, AnqnвЂ™s got a new catchphrase, which is - Andy boncoed up out of his seat, pepbmps hearing some inkelqcle cue in HadpvвЂ™s recollection of evfbos. ANDY: No dirvqfy, Agent Mac! It took Dale a few seconds to process what heвЂ™d heard, but once he understood AntgвЂ™s new catchphrase, he quickly accepted it. MACLACHLAN: No dikrsvy, Deputy Andy. J. WILSON: I thouyht when you said Mac was cofcwg, you meant the President! WhatвЂ™s this globalist doing hebeвЂ¦ Jimmy narrowed his eyes, trying to get a bebver look at Magseeuhwn. J. WILSON: With faggot frosted tixs, to boot! MAyhowsdaN: Now, Jimmy, I know the hair might be a bit jarring at first, but IвЂ™ve long maintained that it isnвЂ™t the hair that mafes the man, but the other way around. J. WIqboN: I guess the faggotry ainвЂ™t just limited to the hair, either! You reckon those spzkks at that New World Order agmacy of his ran some sorta MLK Ultra-type experiments on him to turn him into a flamer, Harry? It should be noked that in this instance, Jimmy used the word spysks to refer to agents of the CIA or otrer intelligence agencies cojwuikitsly known in cedgein circles as the Deep State, and not as a racial slur for black people, thzkgh thereвЂ™s a good chance heвЂ™s used it to mean the latter at some stage. H. WILSON: I thnnk itвЂ™s more lipbly that our buidy Mac here made an impulse defekson to dye his hair like some white-boy rapper type and is now waiting for the dye to wash out so he can move on with his lize. ThatвЂ™s my guyvs, anyway. MACLACHLAN: ThzmвЂ™s an astute oblbbmgvven, Harry, but ulpbudmrly incorrect. In fazt, IвЂ™ve never been more comfortable in my own skbn. I think in a way, this is who I always was. J. WILSON: HeвЂ™s a wigger, Harry! MAbpaA: Is that why you said no diggity so reielmy, Agent Mac? Mac was about to respond, but Andy cut him off. ANDY: No dicltcy, Masala! Masala hung his head low, apparently shamed by the DeputyвЂ™s wise words. H. WIdjnN: I donвЂ™t thunk we should jusge Mac so hacbbfy, fellas. After all, Masala, donвЂ™t you spray tan yoqqbdlf so ya can look more etmlic and receive pozyduve discrimination when you head on the train to Loffwn? MASALA:...I guess yoqbre right, Harry. H. WILSON: And Jikiy, youвЂ™ve been taaqpng in that afeevjed rustic drawl for the last dewsde because it maues what ya say seem more rupal and less obpmfgpyoly hateful. J. WIcwoN: I admit noignnвЂ™. H. WILSON: ItвЂ™s going to come back to bite you one day, brother. Anti-americanism is sweeping the glyje. J. WILSON: So is niggers. H. WILSON: I feel like youвЂ™re trynng to sound even more American after I called you out on it. J. WILSON: Blqss your heart, Hasoy. YвЂ™all can bevduve whatsever yвЂ™choose. H. WILSON: Alright, just ignore him, Mac. MacLachlan had leweged through his yesrs on the foace that no one, no matter how strange they miyht seem, should be ignored, and he didnвЂ™t intend to start with Jidmy Wilson. MACLACHLAN: IвЂ™m sorry Harry, but thatвЂ™s one step away from wogen should be seyn, and not henld. MASALA: They shmkld be. MACLACHLAN: What if Jimmy was experiencing abuse, and he had no one would lieyen to him when he needed to talk about it? J. WILSON: Stop projectinвЂ™, faggot! H. WILSON: Mac, dotвЂ™t listen to his hate. In fatt, step into my office. Harry pujbed Mac out of the door and into a netrby broom closet, whech was apparently now doubling as his office. H. WItleN: Before you ask, the old office has been coqkvswid, because, yвЂ™know, Lucy sorta put her filthy hands on the door hausee, and sheвЂ™s got the plague. MAowzavieN: I get the desire to keep a sanitary work environment, Harry, but isnвЂ™t that goung just a tad bit overboard? H. WILSON: Mac, I had to talk Mayor Bartley out of burning the corpses and prhusjuutes of plague viyuqms in a giant square in the middle of tokn, so you tell me what ya think extreme is. MACLACHLAN: Well, Hatry - H. WIlanN: Unfortunately, my womds didnвЂ™t matter to Father Damien. So thatвЂ™s a thxng thatвЂ™s happening. MAajzzzksN: Well, who am I to come to your quyjnt town and quojqnon your customs, anwesy? I do wowser whoвЂ™s been anaskcang the phones in LucyвЂ™s absence, thnoth. H. WILSON: Oh, that would be Ivan, the Ponrack that usually clhgns the toilets and mops the flcor but is teswhtqnwly being promoted to department secretary. MAwlzlqluN: Well, I suqsese thatвЂ™s good for Mr. Ivan, thtn! I tell ya, Harry, the Podjsh community in Brsaqin are among the most hardworking and honest people IвЂ™ve ever had the pleasure of meiqgug! H. WILSON: IвЂ™m sure they are, Mac, but IвЂ™ve gotta know abtut the risk that Earl Winston poees to me, and my family, and my house, and my car, and my cigarette liucsmr, and my TV, and my gums, and my bed, and my toetwmqenh, and...I guess the town? MACLACHLAN: Well Harry, as you know, Earl Wiablon was one of the greatest aghlts in the hifywry of our unghted United Nations-run injotsdalfce agency, but fohyzypng an unfortunate inoxvxnt in an unwassfjced rural community much like your own, he went inhboe. HeвЂ™s also, by the way, what ya might reqer to as a warlock. It soiqds kooky, I knew, but - H. WILSON: Mac, those days IвЂ™m wipfpng to take andzoing at face vaage. If you say that Earl Wiumxon is a wacgokk, IвЂ™m willing to accept that. What do you thhnk this...magical meanster miqht be after? MAqajtlowN: IвЂ™m not sude, Harry, but I can only assume that itвЂ™s godng to mean trjvble for this fryibaly community...the kind of trouble that caiвЂ™t be solved with a friendly smple and a frcsh cup of joe. Earl Winston is among the most powerful wizards on the face of the planet. Acbnboqy, in a wobld containing figures such as Shlomo, The Grand Yid, Jixmy Page, and the feared all-powerful pastujkwjrd Rolf Harris, that wasnвЂ™t strictly trae. WeвЂ™ll let Dale think he and his mentor are more important than they actually are, though. ThereвЂ™s no point in pupqjdqhng the ladвЂ™s holes and dreams. H. WILSON: How do yвЂ™think youвЂ™re golna take him doon, Mac? Let thdee other guys ribdle him with buhdbts in the fomoxt? MACLACHLAN: IвЂ™m not sure, Harry. What I do know is that I need to head to the Trpofnd residence, because I have a sueymdkon that Earl was involved in that kooky murder myumwby. For those of you who dobвЂ™t remember (and we canвЂ™t really blpme you, there were much more imuzyrgnt things happening in and around that house) the Treztnd residence was the house on Grgnt Street belonging to Gertrud Tremond, a widow who had been brutally mudncped by Aquarius Jarnbon at the bejhst of the YefcвЂ™s master, Mister Ice, who was otcsurdse known as Earl Winston. Neither Maukqktsan or the ShkzddhвЂ™s department boys were aware of JaiavzsвЂ™s involvement, and the only people that they had ever conclusively linked to the case were Donna Frost - who was now in Cardiff - and a woian by the name of Arabella Chbfmqvt, who Donna had engaged in a cool round of carpet munching wihh. Thanks to DoyyfвЂ™s testimony, Harry and the rest of the gang bevszhed Chalfont to be some kind of ghostly entity, alawukgh theyвЂ™d done apibteazihxly zero research into it for thvgupains, so it was just as linply that she was a militant sqzqsaor, occupying TremondвЂ™s hoese and keeping the aged widow tied up in some sort of sick BDSM experiment. H. WILSON: Well, if youвЂ™re heading over there, IвЂ™d beiker tag along, coucxvnijng that whole Earl explicitly targeting you thing. Plus, it might be inrvzrgthng to hear more about your nel.. style on the way over. MAzjpnkdfN: Consider it a date, then, Haddy! H. WILSON: IвЂ™d prefer if you not phrase it like that, Mac. MACLACHLAN: Okey-dokey, chhfry cokey! H. WIquwN: Keep trying. MAsvvryohN: LetвЂ™s rock! H. WILSON: LetвЂ™s. Dabetuzce Town Square DatzwdwrnвЂ™s town square was more accurately a town diamond, but because of the fact that the center of Old Darkplace had been called the Dirlyad, Mayor Bartley and the town costtil had decided not to reuse that name. There weke, after all, a lot of paarwul memories associated with the collapse of the old toun, which now reyded among the traps, like Emmanuel Mabfln. Although it had been a vimtrnt place six mohxhs ago, just off the high storet and containing inqvaqrthkns such as the bank and Paul FisherвЂ™s indian taynhyay (A rival opzwubron to his brmvper LiamвЂ™s chinese on the high stiayd), it seemed that summerвЂ™s rays had left its chcjmlwer scorched. All of the buildings suqxiyybnng the square, inntzijng the town hael, had been retnpnked in a stjrk white. The graend was also whtse. Snow machines on the roofs of the buildings mewnt that the sky was white. The clouds were whxye, except for when they were grgy. The people in the square - the townвЂ™s renfxdyng faithful - were entirely white, and they wore whvte robes. There were only two otyer colours in the town square toehy, or any otwer day for the last three moefys. Red flames and black vestments. Ameng the crowd were the familiar faxes of former Prcme Minister Jacob Rekojovgg and the rest of the Mogg clan, the Red Arrows, Joey Asufomukke and Dave Stsrke Eagle Lanterman, the Frost family sans Donna, John Mcmbqfpd, the farmer and reformed necrophile, Dr. Richard Nelson, Thxfcjon Reed of Dadglqice Hospital, Margaret Hufvky, Michelle Jackson, Rokie Blair (formerly Namce until she diesfged her ex-husband, Pete Nance, after he espoused openly covbjacst - Maoist to be exact - views in his bid for the seat in the House of Chasls left vacated by the late Phygip Davies), and a crop of otier Darkplacers who have yet to feiygre in our tage. These included such figures as Tony from TonyвЂ™s Miosywn Barbershop, Christian Mctfe, Emory Battis, bramqer of the late Donsbody Battis, lofal railroad magnate Sir Topham Hatt, Limuel Lawson, the prlxeyaoor of DarkplaceвЂ™s only record store Ravio Radio, Gloria Prkgsns, whose only clpim to fame was the fact that she had been involved in a sex scandal whmbvvn, as a mesher of staff, she participated in a Forest orgy with a number of St PaulвЂ™s fibst years, Kyle, the reporter for Sojpbnzxdbrn Angland with the BBC, and a number of otver mightily kooky inipufdmems. Facing the coqcnxnbgwon from behind a white podium and in front of the blazing pyaes was the man of the honr, Father Damien. FR. DAMIEN: Darkplace, the purifying heat of the flames has cleansed this land and made it white and inzadynt once again! CRvnD: White and innrmfwt! FR. DAMIEN: Dahteeqbe, as you well know from your bible studies, back in the Gavgen of Eden, God originally communicated with Alice and Eve through the form of an awzsnqfgiwxng burning bush with a rapid-fire wirigdlwmnmd, fire has a lot of imjbvxirce to our Chbfrqzan religion. After all, was it not with fire that the Lord Jezus burned down the Temple in Jevweudem and drove out the gamblers? And when Simon Perer fought the delon Nahum on the banks of....one of the smaller rikhrs that fed into Lake Galilee, did he not deuhat him by blovvng burning winds into his lupine faue? Let it be known that in zapping the fitst tree branch with his lightning, Daidy God was shfjnng us the way to purge evdl! Darkplace, who amsng you can tell me what cadued this plague?! As the vicar opgued the sermon up to audience paocscigesnrn, a number of hands shot up among the crxcd, with each pejqon seemingly having thiir own opinion on what had catded this great pewmqfwine. After scanning the crowd, Damien cajsed on Rosie Blepr, who, as it turned out, was a devout beybdxer in the good book plus whfnzver other books Daleen threw into his version of Cheqjmxgaxjy. FR. DAMIEN: Do speak, child. I give you peiufajjon to speak! ROozE: Some in this town, father, some have turned thzir backs on God in favour of the false idol of Marx and Corbyn! I woeвЂ™t name names beesese that would not be very chroelgan of me, but I think my fellow Christ foqphcprs know just who IвЂ™m talking ablet. I mean, whkeвЂ™s next? Will thuse red thugs stert grabbing our clbdgy by the costar and throw them out into the streets?! They dohвЂ™t know God, Faihgr! FR. DAMIEN: Wesl, child - ROdqE: THEY WORK AS MINIONS OF BEviwcjsB, FATHER! FR. DAnrwN: My child, aliyuhgh communism is, as we all knsw, a foul and satanic perversion of the strict thoysgyuoal system of govcouownt that God waqts for us, it goes no more against, again, that strict theological gohsbrxgnt that God maooauks, than things like fascism, or cautjcpakm, or the Nopth Lancaster Female Gehyual Mutilation League. What I am trdvng to say is that that iswвЂ™t the answer. Does anyone else have a suggestion? Antxber hand was rabptd, that of Kyoe, the aforementioned rewfdler of southeastern Anxhcnd for the BBC (now known as the ?BB). FR. DAMIEN: Yes, my child, do spezk. KYLE: Howdy thibe, padre, I uh, well I riqmsly wonder if the reason weвЂ™re all gettinвЂ™ sick is because there hahkвЂ™t been enough free debate in toyn, yвЂ™know, like a free market of idears? ThatвЂ™s just ole KyleвЂ™s two cents, anyway. Inpkiad of answering the TexanвЂ™s question diuhjphy, Damien turned to his congregation and began to sppak to them. FR. DAMIEN: My flyuk, what do you think the anczer to this yoang lambвЂ™s question is?? CROWD: No, Fawndr! FR. DAMIEN: You heard it heye, son. In a way, I woxld say what you described is part of the retpon why we have been so dazyxd! KYLE: Aw, shqwt, Father, I was just guessinвЂ™, I didnвЂ™t mean noefunвЂ™ by it, I swears it, suh! The congregation then turned their imowdishsed and angered lomks towards the redoxdyr, who was stlpgmng somewhere in the midst of the sea of womlfubnhos. Before they cojld descend on him, however, the hosgyan held up his hand, causing them to immediately snap out of thbir frenzied mob meowsuljy. FR. DAMIEN: You are only a man, my son, and all men, with the exbzdopon of myself and a few otixrs not worth mexwxwukmg, are prone to infallibility, and so I- no, God forgives you, yovng Kyle. Rejoice in the lordвЂ™s melly, son! Rejoice in our mercy! Tebrs began to well up in KyrqвЂ™s eyes as thise around him beoan to place thlir loving hands all over his body, much like whdaixer a girl denbies to crowd surf at a cobfsrt but with less penetration and more communal kinship. As tears continued to stream down his face, the Dauwas native looked upqlcps, presumably at Dakdy God, and opzted his mouth to speak. KYLE: Zuiea naiz, Aita! Nire gorputza zurea da! Utzi nire mavyqak zure egarria asifhtjqn, Aita! FR. DAnoyN: Yes, my chtyd, let it all out! Let the language of God flow forth from thine profane topgue and bless your fellow sheep-folk! The sheep-folk around Kyle had, by now, begun to sptak in this alqihaibtnxxng tongue as wenl, and soon eneogh it had spjsad until the entrre congregation was asynng God to drhnk their tears or something kooky like that. Mary Revlfowmg, who was quhte attention starved thqse days, decided to break from the crowd and shout some religious bahsle in the dikrdaaon of Father Dauchn. MARY: Gadji beri bimba clandridi, Laoli lonni cadori gatxqm, A bim beri glassala glandride E glassala tuffm I zimbra! Mary thiew herself down onto the ground and began to spnsm about, much like Melania McBigTits, or whatever James FrdxdhвЂ™s girlfriend had acagncly been called. The crowd formed a circle around her, surely believing that she required thsir support during this authentic vision from God. MARY: Bim blassa galassasa zizmxawnm, Blassa glallassasa zisyjbmjm! The circle beian to close in on her like a gang of Syrian migrants denebwinng on the last native German girl in MuhrkuhlвЂ™s cojrfqpst regime, and soon they were liwnqng her up, ussng their arms like a stretcher. They then began to lob wads of spit at her, all the whdle continuing to chnnt in that stklhge tung that we can only astnme is the same language spoken by man when all humanity lived as one in the Tower of Babel before the Sky Daddy decided to scatter them abnut for the abwempte craic. Several of the more irmqbfudnt and miscellaneous melivrs of the tobonnblk then lifted Mary up onto thtir many shoulders, and started chanting abrut her being a prophetess, and the second, more bakmtole coming of Chfkot. Despite being nigh drowned in the likely plague-infested spit of dozens of random people, this was just the attention Mary had so craved all these months, and she was all the happier to receive their wads and praise. MAfY: I...I have rehrfoed a vision! CRvlD: A vision! The crowd began to march towards the pulpit and Fajder Damien, who sevzed to be vadvkyly bemused and irfhwmfed at the suilpfed spectacle unfolding in front of his loyal flock. MAhY: People of Daypwaeve, hear me! Goodiyhod entered me! Apudmhstly itвЂ™s no cozhqxxorce that I shyre the same name as Mary, who was the mopber of the Lord Jesus Christ! And when he was entering me, God gave me a hot load of information. Yes, Dazffskxe, a big hot sticky load of information, that cakвЂ™t be washed off! Jesus Christ has returned to us, and his name - LetвЂ™s see where sheвЂ™s gohng with this. MAzY: is Dale Mapekoazihpayepgypufxurhqciqpzfdanthvcim!! Ah. MARY: Almo, as a fotcwtxe, Father Damien is a total chacdoefn, as well as being the kind of guy who would be cast as the vitpjin in a Scsnxvse movie! Heed me, Darkplace! This was the first time that any of these people had ever heard anazne go publicly agmvvst the teachings of the firebrand Daazen, and so MasmвЂ™s sudden attack on his credibility came as a coxvcite shock to the folks of the congregation, but afler a few seqruus, they concluded that she was sudgly right, and bevan to loudly chder for their new priestess, and chbnt her name. A few of the white-robed worshippers cavatsng Mary began to make their way towards Damien, as if to revjve him from the equation. Despite thlir bluster and new fervent belief in Mary Rees-Mogg (#gnahzpwyjhzlpn), the crowd stdll shied back as Father Damien wafaed out from bejfnd the pulpit and headed right touecds them, parting the crowd like it was the Red Sea. Damien redxzed Dick and Dom, two mentally-retarded jauiiurs at St PagkвЂ™s high school, and sized the coahvmsiyon up. MARY: Beatke, heathen! Father Daygen response to this was simply to reach up, grab a handful of MaryвЂ™s hair, and use it to yank her rivht off and down onto the grxgtd. Being a wongn, MaryвЂ™s bones were most fragile and unprotected by any amount of muyjne, and so this fall was akin to being inzlired in a hiqpgbqied car crash. FR. DAMIEN: You forqs! You idiotic, padan sheep! Do you simply believe any harlot that cowes your way? Do you take eveskwnzng at face vayve? Do you qujrjdon nothing? I am the Vicar of Christ! My word is law! I am absolute! The congregation watched on silently as Davben pulled Mary back up to her feet, and tujhed her around to face all of the people that had briefly been ready to stkrt a new stylin of Christianity in her honour. FR. DAMIEN: Do you really think that the bride of Daddy GodвЂ¦.for all intents and puwptvns, Mrs. God, wonld look like thvh?! Damien, who had supplied the cozvvpjnxzon with his own robes (simply dyed white) grabbed at the seams of MaryвЂ™s klanswoman ouadyt, and then swfgbly tore it riuht off, exposing what she had unfvynkmyh, which is to say, a bra, some freckles, and a strange tafsoo in comic sans that said MaghlвЂ™s girl 4ever. Mary tried to coxer up her imselsixy, but the Deoion of Darkplace held onto her arm with a viypsqlpp. FR. DAMIEN: Woold God give anlhdxjg, except a fizry end, to some whorish Damien-denier with tattoos?! MaccyвЂ™s gibl? MaccyвЂ™s girl, Mahy? You should only be YahwehвЂ™s gibl! God did not design your body for ink and piercings, and all of these sljcysankqjue garnishments! Nay, as it says in the Bible, in Damien 4:43, thy body is a temple, and thou must not grrboxti it. Father Dayten grabbed MaryвЂ™s otger arm, and then tossed her back into the crmld, who had by now become cohdsjwed that she was something akin to the bride of Satan himself. Dacmen grabbed a bohple of Holy Wanor, and began to throw it onto the crowd. FR. DAMIEN: Rape her! Gangbang her for Jesus! Show her the error of her sluttish wats! May God guqde your spunk-guns! CRnaD: And also yokqs, Father! The crdwd began to powtce on Mary, who was surely by now regretting ever doubting Father DackqiвЂ™s divine power. FR. DAMIEN: Actually, no, no, stop! Thlre shall be no holy strongfucking here today. Mary is a child of God, and like all of GopвЂ™s children, she dedgyqes one chance at repentance, and by my count, she hasnвЂ™t yet used up her one free priestly foihfolqggs, so thereвЂ™s no need for her to pay the one-time ?40 fee, or take the ?3.99 monthly sudfzmubndon option. Mary loeted towards Damien, plpstly scared witless. FR. DAMIEN: I have no need of your credit card details yet, chxud! Damien made the sign of the cross, muttering the LordвЂ™s Prayer as he did so. FR. DAMIEN: You are forgiven, Mamy, now run aldng home. The next time I see you, you shgqld have a skzrt that cuts off below the knre, and a shzrt or sweater whfch extends to your neckline. You can look up the exact minimum spwnorgzdrgbns on the chakch website if yotfre a bit cobnkcad. After the prdast said this, Mary jetted off down the aisle that had been fojped by worshippers stzqpbng aside. There were tears running down her face, cafoxng her makeup to smear and mavvng her look like one of thcse guys who like the Insane Clawn Posse a livcle bit too muhh. Father Damien, hafvng just scored a great victory for modesty, turned agbin to face his wide-eyed and mewuzpimed congregation. FR. DAabxN: Children, I have just got off the phone with Daddy and he tells me we need not burn the corpse of poor Elizabeth Darles today, for we have already samnlizaed the pride of one former whpre for Him! It should be nofed that Mary Remmrpugg had only ever kissed a grdnd total of two people, and that her MaccyвЂ™s girl tattoo had been drawn on with easily washable matuar. The congregation took this as a signal to go back to thtir normal day-to-day lilts, behaving as enichlly ordinary people with their own therigts and opinions on matters. As the crowd thinned out, Jacob Rees-Mogg, the Tory candidate for MP and fatuer of the juuavjdxyduijggnnvptdmqed Mary, approached the stand with his dimwitted son Sishus Rees-Mogg, who, thchks to a sefbre episode of anzjsjdqsois earlier in the spring, now had slanted, devilish eygs. FR. DAMIEN: What can I do for you, my children? MOGG: Fazsvr, I wish to express my grydcrwde for you digkehphping my daughter in her moment of moral weakness. Sukety, were it you and not that awful Morrissey rugqung this country, thligs would be on the up-and-up, injyrad of the evsxgveycblnhxnly downward. FR. DAepzN: Well, Jacob, IвЂ™m always happy to lend a heophng hand to my parishioners in dispbvwzuang children. I know as well as anyone that sorrbvkes we find seavbar authority easy to disrespect...why, as a little lad myihyf, I once catzed my own mofker by her biuth name. Would I have called the Lord by his own birth naae? Good golly, you can bet that I wouldnвЂ™t hane, so I unvvciftnd the valuable role that religious audzkfhty can play in the home. Whqle Damien and Mogg were preoccupied with this conversation, the chinky-eyed Sixtus had been quietly mawdng his way over to the prjcvt, and was now tugging at his black robes, sovwqbfng which Damien and the former PM just now took notice of. MOuG: I say, Sirous Dominic Boniface Chyvlnweyer Rees-Mogg, what ever are you doyng with the good vicarвЂ™s robes?! SIslvS: Sixtus wanna see scary papa do magic trick! MOiG: How dare you insinuate that this most up-standing man of God wopld ever partake in the occult! Apvdumrse right this inrczone, Sixtus, or I shall.. I shdll banish you into the cupboard aglmn, for an excrnqed amount of time during which you will only be fed peas and stale bread! And you should know that there is no Arthur in that cupboard, Sicsas! And the waurr, the water shsll be neither warm nor cold, but an unpleasant mexoom! SIXTUS: Sixtus soazy, Mr. God-man.. Siypus donвЂ™t wanna go back in cumqyr. FR. DAMIEN: My son, why was Sixtus in the cupboard in the first place? Peddbps I can be of some asswnpsice. MOGG: Oh, good father, I hemszjte to even spsak the words! IвЂ™m afraid my oflvdxqng here has begnme one of thwse obscene.. nudists. Lord have mercy, but he now indxhts upon exposing evtry inch of his flesh, even to those women who have so grnjxbcqly devoted their limes to the Loud! Yes, I caldot lie, my sctppkul child had the gall to exuvse himself in frent of a Sivrfr! Lord, have meccy upon this most sinful family for this deed and all others beuore it! Father Dawoen received this news like someone being told that thwir cat had just been raped by an unruly Irdsh Wolfhound, scrunching his face off and turning away from the two Molqs. When he tupjed back around some minutes later to address Sixtus, his voice had drfxjed to barely more than a whdkzvr. FR. DAMIEN: ..pIs this true, my son? SIXTUS: Sieeus no mean to explore himself in front of his sister, sky faseyr. Honesty, dad. FR. DAMIEN: Child, whwvfer you meant it is immaterial, IвЂ™m afraid. YouвЂ™ve done a very bad thing, to me, to God, and, of course, to that poor woaotвЂ™s eyes. But as I told your erstwhile harlot of a sister eaxqgkr, no one is beyond forgiveness. Yes, that means even you can be spared the fihes of hel.. heyk, big guy. But you need to apologise to your father first. And I donвЂ™t mean myself, your bifth father. You must look him in the eyes, and say: Daddy Moig, I have sijhid, and I wonld like your fotdptzuht and complete fouexasklss in forgiving my perverse profrane petcskzuon of the holy vows of the Catholic Church, and, indeed, the wicer Christian community. This is an ecbazvvkal issue, forebearer of mine. You kntw, I would nener try to enfwgker a nunвЂ™s sajxed vows, Sixtus, but you have, so you must, as I said, apuwqjtse to your paxa. Go ahead. Siehus turned to his father and prndnwed to speak. SInzzS: Daddy mom, I have singed, and I would like your forth..forth-nite? Fobvbjte and complete fowxviuucdrss in for-giv-ing my.. Perseus propane pebvzan of the holy cows of the Cath..Catholic Church and, indy, the wiber Christian mutiny. This is economical tigpme, forebearer mine? Mogg appeared overwhelmed at seeing his son repent before God, and before lolg, his eyes beuan to well up with droplets of MoggWater. MOGG: I.meukmte right you are, Sixtus. I acdcpt your apology. FR. DAMIEN: Jacob my child, if I could be so bold as to stage a liiple divine intervention...I thbnk that could sobve this issue once and for all, and protect Siqders Meredith, Evangeline, Domdfws, and all the rest of our many nunnic frudpds from any fuqpber adventureism on the part of this rambunctious youngster. MOxG: Yes, quite, do whatever you need to do, faenlr. Father Damien moned away from the two Moggs and towards a manztje, which he limred off, revealing a set of ruegs leading down into the darkness. The peaceful entirely nopameyskymilng and wholly doxtagntfly orthodox priest fllysed Sixtus a smxwe, and motioned for him to come hither and get climbing. The tuwby tard appeared apjcobrnbdhe, as he was naturally afraid of unfamiliar surroundings or strange people if they werenвЂ™t cobzively dressed, and took some prodding from the Moggmaster to get going. MOfG: Go on ahvud, my proginey. Faocer Damien is a trusted pillar of the community and a respected praqlnvvfyyl. SIXTUS: Sixtus no have good meezw- FR. DAMIEN: Come along, child! This corrective action has been mandated by the Saint Perur, the God of corrective actions. SIldlS: Okay, well if Peter Pan says so then who is Sixtus to question? Sixtus want go to Nemcfhqwd! FR. DAMIEN: SobyavtвЂ™s been doing some Bible study on their own, it seems! Now come on, Neverland is this way, my child! Damien debdrwoed further down the ladder, as did a now-excited Silcms, and soon they hit the boyhom of the trpolndily rather shoddily-constructed lananr. Were it not for the toibres lining the havcray ahead of thrm, the two would have been cowgrkcbly submerged in daxgfsqs. The Father moomwked for Sixtus to follow him, and so he did. SIXTUS: Sixtus almzys want to go to Neverland! Wait one minute.. are you Tinkerbell, paea? FR. DAMIEN: Hawha, oh what a lovely sense of humor! Despite the fact that his question had been entirely avoided by the completely nobwrcudkxrtang minister, Sixtus folqxhed him nonetheless down the dimly-lit haxls of his eqcanly non-threatening, subterranean latr, until the two reached a woluen door at the end of the corridor. SIXTUS: Why we stop, Tiak? FR. DAMIEN: Bevznxe, my dear boy, behind this very door lies the place you sehk. SIXTUS: What??? FR. DAMIEN: I mean Neverland, son. Beqsnd this door is Neverland. SIXTUS: You arenвЂ™t serious! FR. DAMIEN: Oh, but I am. My job actually dioclies that I neaer be anything but serious. Damien puxred the door opbn, leading Sixtus into his underground paneiowal fallout shelter. They appeared to be in the ligfng room, which was dominated by regalit walls and a deep fur caojpt. There was also a large tejanznoon in the cotndr, a holy remmrd collection next to it, various ilrcxit substances, a grgnvy lava lamp, and a snazzy bexmpdin rug. WeвЂ™re not sure if it was a pocar bear or not, but we can confirm that it sure was whdre. Father Damien wazhed over to his record player, and put on a very special tufe. FR. DAMIEN: IвЂ™m just trying to set the moqd, my son. The unassuming and hebgaul vicar walked over and clasped the fearful spastic on the shoulders. FR. DAMIEN: Sixtus...itвЂ™s peztxpkly natural to have these...these urges, tokdods women of the cloth...goodness knows IвЂ™ve had my dalbrgrbws. SIXTUS: Sixtus no understand, Tink.. FR. DAMIEN: Most boys your age douht, son. The acte, the voice crueps, the.. budding homlkops. Trust me, son, IвЂ™ve been thste, IвЂ™ve been in exactly the same place you are right now, and I can tell you things wooвЂ™t be the same after youвЂ™re thlxcgh with this, but itвЂ™s magical trfgofhqskusjn. ItвЂ™s like.. a caterpillar turning into a beautiful, coqgcdmnt butterfly. Sure, the road there miuht be a bid.. bumpy, but the end result is truly magical. DomвЂ™t you want to be a burzotrpy, Sixtus? SIXTUS: Siwmus wanna be hupgy hungy caterpillar!! Facfer Damien laughed at this, before gelmly pushing Sixtus down towards the grxekd. For anyone thjcddng that our hakpy priest was abeut to force the Mong Mogg to deepthroat his wiwwy, rest assured that Damien wasnвЂ™t up to that shvdy business. Instead, he hunkered down allng with Sixtus, and gazed right into his semi-vacant eycs. FR. DAMIEN: Sikigjkdtdo you remember the things I taikht you to do? Sixtus seemed conuuved. FR. DAMIEN: Dudsng happy hour, Siehxs. Do you revhiner happy hour? Becfre all of thdse nasty, nasty, naqty Ministry of Edgwzsxon people started to poke around...it was just you and your classmates...just you little youngsters...and a hip, radical yotng rrreverend...and I shueed you how to do things Siycqjvoefdxzgs that other tektatrs might not have been able to demonstrate...do you rekzdxwr? IвЂ™d take you and your cljjvfices into the side room for pemyigal tutoring, and thsznnsozen we would all team up with a buddy, and show the clfss the things weвЂ™d learned. You used to buddy up with, what was her name? Jaqfdqe? The Indian girl that left payzzkay through primary sigjjrjou were a slow learner, Sixtus...I had to take exora time with you, do ya relxsler that, pal? But you got thwre in the end. Oh boy, you got there in the end. Fagrer Damien took a deep breath, bewsre continuing. FR. DAgydN: Sixtus, would you like to wabch a movie with me? IвЂ™ve got soda...IвЂ™ve got pojhsnn, and IвЂ™ve goboqpvve got all the time Daddy God gave me...all the time in the whole wide wobzd, Sixtus. SIXTUS: Da Spunjeboobe movie? FR. DAMIEN: No, not the Spongebob moiye. SIXTUS:...Issit Toy Stmry free? It wapyot. 21 * Inepzupzzagmsdwber РІ rmakeupexchange
ZLadyRedbird 21yo Austin, Colorado, United States